about 3o years ago, My dad chased down my mothers bus after it had pulled out of school. upon stopping, the bus driver opened up the doors, stared at a 17 year old awkward Bruce Williamson, and shouted: "Boy, are you crazy?"
"No ma'am, I just need to ask Kathy Stanley something." My father replied.
"Make it fast, child."
Upon standing at the front of the jam-packed bus, Bruce shouted: Is there a Kathryn Williamson on this bus?"
"um, yeah. right here." Kathryn sheepishly stood up looked at my dad with eyes wide open and curious.
"Would you like to go to the movies this Friday night?"
"uh, why not?" said Kathy.
"Great, see you then."
My dad was the original "G."
Today, my parents have been married for 29 years exactly. I did not even realize it until the barista at Starbucks asked me what the day was. I got to thinking about the fact that Bruce and Kathy Williamson have shared life together, five pretty beautiful children, two dogs, and a mortgage for nearly the past three decades. This led me to question a concept that as of late, I have been troubled by in more ways than one--marriage.
"It's November 7th, mike... oh my god, it's November 7th.... Thanks for the drink, mike." upon getting back into my car, I rolled my eyes and quietly said out loud to myself: "ugh, how long has it been now? 29 years... shit. too bad that doesn't happen anymore." I suppose that my reaction to something that is really so wonderful and should be celebrated, is rather mocked and showered upon with cynicism due to my extreme distrust in long term commitments. I realize that scrutinizing over monogamy is really a waste of time considering it has been the basic way in which society has worked for many years now, however, it is simply something that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. I literally convince myself, from time to time, that my parents are not really happy, they just put on one hell of an act... and then it is in the quiet moments when I see the two sipping their coffee on the back porch, my father's hand gently intertwined with his wife's hand as they have their "morning devotional" together, that the picture of love that they have portrayed for 29 years, floods my heart and brain all over again. This is not to say that all 29 years were beautiful. There was a good 5 year stint at which point my mother claimed that she did not love my dad. She would look at him with such disdain, and when nobody was watching, he would cry. I always knew that she loved him though, because she would do the same, only she did not care who saw. She wears her emotions on her sleeve.
In so many ways, their interactions with each other have not changed a bit. My mom still bosses my dad around when we have no idea where we are. My dad still zones out when she gets in a fever over the "honey-do" list that has been neglected for weeks. and every once in a while, my dad still writes her beautiful letters. One morning about a year or so ago, I woke up to a banana sitting on the counter that, in sharpie, read: Good morning babe, take this for lunch today. love you, Bruce." Theirs is the kind of love that is accompanied by a sound track. it is simple, and pure, and untainted by betrayal and fear. Theirs is a love that is brave. The memories they share must all be in black and white, and when i see how unconditionally they abandon themselves to serve each other, my thoughts and beliefs on love are all pushed and challenged.
It all boiled down to this dynamic couple refusing to break a contract. The fact that signing a legal contract when you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with has been deemed the social norm is rather silly and absurd to me. But this is beside the point. I am trying to convince myself that marriage is not about losing yourself, or being sucked into drudging routines that consist of diapers, pb&j's and later, tuition's and grandchildren, but moreover will power. We live in a fast-food nation, and when the going gets tough, you walk out. it is a travesty.
I can't blame Tina Turner. Whats love got to do with it? not a whole lot. Commitment and determination has everything to do with it.
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